RantingWomen.com Women’s Blog

Selfishness is good. Ohhh. I know this causes your tummy to do a somersault. All of our lives we are taught to place others ahead of ourselves—to give give and give until we are given out. Women, in particular, are taught “You may give out but don’t give up.” However, there are times to give up—to give up trying to be society’s version of the perfect woman that will attract the perfect man. To give up trying to woo and please a woman who will never love you no matter what you do.

I entitled my newly released book, “Lessons Learned: While Looking for Love in All the Wrong Faces” for a reason. The wrong face is any face but your own. You have got to love yourself first. You cannot give to others what you don’t have yourself. Another person cannot and will never make you happy—make you feel whole. Be selfish enough to bring into alignment the face you see staring back from the mirror.

1. If you are grieving the loss of a former lover, a relative, friend, job, home. . . whatever, be selfish and do whatever you need to do to get back to wholeness. A new relationship is not the way to wholeness. If you need to cry—cry. Tears are designed to cleanse. If you need to buy yourself a new whatever, buy it. If you need to go home and crawl in your mama’s bed, do it. This is the time to be totally selfish. You, my dear, need to heal. Be selfish and focus on bringing yourself back to a state of wholeness. I say “back to” because you were born whole; circumstances and life have a way of fracturing us.
2. If you are at a point in your life where you know you need to make a change in some area of your life—your career or business, additional education, health, family—take the time and make the change. If a new career or entrepreneurship is what is paramount for you, focus on that. If you are experiencing a health challenge or you desire to get in the best physical condition of your life so that you’ll feel better about you when you look in the mirror, do it. If there has been a disconnection from or crisis in your family, take the time to reconnect or address the crisis. Be selfish and address that need.
3. If you are insecure and your self-esteem and self-worth are skewed, you need to be really selfish and focus on whatever it is that has caused this damage. If you need professional assistance to uncover what damaged your self-esteem and self-worth, seek professional counseling. If your self-esteem and self-worth has suffered damage due to something you can change yourself, by all means be selfish and take as much time as you need to work on changing whatever.

Teddy Pendergrass’ song “A 50-50 Love” comes to mind. In the song Teddy talks about the times he’s given 70% and the woman has given 30% and so on. However, I assert that we should desire a relationship in which both parties come into the relationship giving 100% of their very best self. To do this, sometimes you have to (as the old folks say) “steal away” and totally focus on only you. It’s the selfish thing to do. And wouldn’t you agree that sometimes selfish is good?

Carmin Wharton, Author

www.carminwharton.com

Tags: women rants, Angry Women, feminism, women writers